


Selfishness

by PeachyRenjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drug Use, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Prostitution, due to aforementioned drug use, socioeconomic inequality, that makes it all sound a lot darker than it actually is i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-10 23:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15302853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyRenjun/pseuds/PeachyRenjun
Summary: Jaehyun's life seems perfect--he's the rich young heir to a powerful corporation about to finish his degree, and he's going to marry his childhood friend Doyoung a few months after they graduate. Of course, things would be a little less complicated if he wasn't in love with Taeyong, a poor omega who lives a few blocks away from campus and who Jaehyun can absolutely never let Doyoung find out about.





	1. Plateau

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm just going to say up front that there is another warning that I need to put here. However, it is a big spoiler, so if you don't want to know, just start reading. You should be able to figure it out by the end of the first chapter.
> 
> However, for those of you who would like to know, there is some accidental half-sibling incest. Both are fully consenting adults and they don't know about their biological connection when they're together, but they are related.

Despite costing far more, the itch-inducing sweaters that Jaehyun wears to class in the fall and early winter to fit in with his classmates’ standards of what he should be will never compare to the hoodies that he wears otherwise. As he pulls off the sweater--fucking finally--and tosses it onto his bed, his roommate, Johnny, walks out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and plops down on the other bed.

“Are you going out?”

Jaehyun laughs, pulling on a hoodie. It’s one of his favorites for times like these. Nice, but not too nice, and plain enough to be unassuming. “You’re not?”

Johnny taps away on his phone. “Nope,” he says. “Are you going to Taeil’s?”

Jaehyun nods. He picks a cap off of his bed. “Figured I would.” He searches for his phone from amongst the pile of folders and books on his desk. “And why aren’t you going? Don’t you want to see your boyfriend?”

“Not my boyfriend,” Johnny says, a hint of bitterness evident in his voice. “And besides, he’s not at Taeil’s right now.”

Jaehyun lifts a calculus book off of the desk, hoping that the phone may just be hiding under a book or two. Or five. “And you know this how?”

“Unlike you, I actually have the phone number of the person I sleep with on a regular basis,” Johnny says. He flashes his screen toward Jaehyun. It’s on a contact screen, the name “#1 Hoe” displayed at the top.

“How classy,” Jaehyun remarks.

Johnny rolls his eyes. “He entered it himself.”

Jaehyun finally finds his phone. He opens it to see at least five new notifications, most of them social media, but one new text message grabs his attention.

_ Bunny: Jae, do you want to grab dinner tonight? Jungwoo cancelled on our plans and I thought you might want to have some time together :( _

Jaehyun sighs and types out a response.

_ No can do, sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you soon. And we have that dinner with my parents tomorrow night. _

“So why don’t you have Yong’s number, anyway?” Johnny asks. He looks up at Jaehyun with that challenging look on his face, the one where he pretends it’s nothing more than curiousity.

“Don’t need it,” Jaehyun says. “He’s predictable enough for me to find him without it.”

_ Bunny: Alright. I just feel like I haven’t seen you a lot lately. And you know that “parents dinner” doesn’t count. _

“Is that really the reason?”

_ I know, I’m sorry. Really. _

“What else would it be, Johnny?”

_ Bunny: I’m starting to rethink agreeing to marry you. _

“Maybe you’re worried that Doyoung will find out about Yong.”

_ We’re not even really together yet. You remember that, right? _

Jaehyun sighs. “Doyoung and I aren’t even together. Why should he care what Taeyong and I do?”

_ Bunny: We’re going to be, though. I thought we agreed to try to at least like each other. _

Johnny shakes his head. “You’re an idiot sometimes, Jae.”

_ I know. And I like you, in the friend way. And I’m trying to like you more than that. _

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Jaehyun takes a deep breath and glances around to see if he’s forgotten anything. “I’m going to head out before you can give me another lecture.”

_ Bunny: I suppose that’s all I can ask. _

 

\---

 

There’s a distinct feeling that rests between numbness and over-sensation, or rather, there’s a feeling that you can only get when you have both feelings at once. It’s like there’s something under his skin, something simultaneously weighing him down and making him light as a feather. It confuses his brain just enough for him to almost forget that he’s sitting in a decomposing bedroom with a single mattress and moldy wallpaper.

Taeyong doesn’t know what he took--Yukhei isn’t the most descriptive of people, but he follows through on requests. Taeyong says he wants something that’ll make him unaware of how shitty his life is, Yukhei will get it for him. That simple. The kid doesn’t cheat people either, always giving them a fair price and delivering the correct goods. Doesn’t ask questions or try to hold a therapy session. That makes him more decent than about ninety percent of the people Taeyong’s ever met.

Taeyong can’t really think properly, or at least, not quickly, but he can still hear the rain outside and hopes that it won’t leak in. They don’t need anymore mold, not here. Taeil’s too broke to pay for repairs.

 

\---

 

Jaehyun knocks on the door of the apartment. His cap is soaked, his hoodie too, but it’ll be alright in a half hour or so. His hair isn’t too wet, and he only caught the storm in the last few minutes of his walk. He supposes he should consider himself lucky.

The door opens, and Taeil ushers him inside with only a passing glance. Jaehyun toes off his shoes and follows the beta to the apartment’s kitchen. It’s falling apart just as much as everything else in this part of town is, but there’s not too many stains on the tiling and all of the cabinets still have hinges. That must count for something.

There’s an omega sitting at the table in the middle of the kitchen--Winwin, Jaehyun thinks he was introduced to him as. Jaehyun sincerely doubts that’s his real name, but he’s not going to pry. Jaehyun’s not here for him.

Taeil gestures for him to sit at the table and goes to prepare another cup of tea for him. Jaehyun sits, clearing his throat. “Is Taeyong here?”

“He is,” Taeil says, “but I’m not sure you want to see him right now.”

“Why?” Jaehyun asks. Winwin takes a long sip from his cup as he glances between the two of them. It’s the kind of glance that makes Jaehyun nervous. Knowing.

Taeil sighs and turns to face Jaehyun. He leans back against the counter. “He’s on some kind of drug. No idea what.” Taeil rubs his hands over his face. “Whatever it was, I doubt he’s in much of a condition to have a meaningful conversation.”

Winwin giggles into his cup. “I don’t really think they do much talking, do they?”

Jaehyun glares at him. “Says the prostitute.” It’s a low blow, Jaehyun knows it is, but sometimes the people that stay at Taeil’s just drive him insane.

Winwin frowns. Taeil frowns too, and Taeil’s usually the understanding type. “Jaehyun, if you can’t be polite, you need to go.”

Jaehyun stands. “I’ll go see Taeyong, and then I’ll go.”

Taeil frowns, but he doesn’t stop Jaehyun from walking across the apartment to the door of the room that Taeyong has practically claimed as his own. The door is unlocked, and when Jaehyun opens it, he finds the room inside far more disorganized than usual. There are small piles of clothes and blankets in places across the floor of the room, a backpack dumped in one of the corners. The blinds on the window are screwed up--they always have been--and the wallpaper looks like it’s going to fall off the wall any day now.

In the center of the room, on a bare mattress, Taeyong is lying with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. He’s paler than usual, but his breathing seems normal. Jaehyun sits down beside him on the mattress, and Taeyong reaches out to grab onto him but misses terribly, instead only grabbing empty air.

“You look thoroughly fucked,” Jaehyun says, and Taeyong laughs.

“I hope you don’t mean that in the literal sense,” he says, “because the only person I’m fucking is you and you haven’t come to visit me in nearly a week.”

Jaehyun nearly laughs at the way the omega pouts. “Well I’m here now,” he says. “But as much as I want to fuck you, I’m not sure I can trust you to make that decision right now.”

“When has me being drunk or drugged or whatever ever stopped you before?”

Jaehyun stares at him, trying to formulate a response to that question that won’t get him smacked the next time Taeyong is sober enough to smack him. “You’re right,” he settles on, because Taeyong’s always right.

Taeyong smiles. “Kiss me, you asshole,” he says, and Jaehyun does.

Jaehyun’s kissed plenty of people before, girls and boys, but none of them taste or feel or smell quite like Taeyong. Even when he’s got alcohol on his lips, he still tastes like oranges and sunrises and makes Jaehyun feel so right. Like everything will be alright, even when Taeyong’s falling apart beneath Jaehyun’s hands.

Jaehyun supposes it’s a romantic notion to feel like your heart is beating in sync with your partner when you’re having sex, but somehow, with Taeyong, he feels even more than that. It’s like the blood in their veins is flowing together, connected, making them one and the same. And when Jaehyun knots him--this beautiful fucking omega that the world has ruined--he knows that he is the only one who can make Taeyong fall apart like this. The only one who can hold him like this. The only one who can hear Taeyong breathe “I love you”s into his skin as he falls asleep.

Jaehyun hates the idea of running back to college and his parents’ wishes and Doyoung in the morning.

 

\---

 

Johnny’s halfway through a perfectly terrible cafeteria breakfast when his phone buzzes with a text. Sighing at Yuta, his reluctant table-mate for the morning with Jaehyun gone, he opens the message.

_ #1 Hoe: Get your ass to Taeil’s asap. I mean it. _

Johnny sighs, knowing already that he’s eventually going to give in. There’s little in this world he wouldn’t do for him. 

_ I thought you weren’t at Taeil’s. _

_ #1 Hoe: I wasn’t last night. I am now. Simple enough. _

_ Can I finish eating my breakfast, or do you want me there as fast as I can run? _

_ #1 Hoe: Be glad I’m not expecting you to teleport. _

Johnny stands up, putting the phone into his pocket. Yuta raises an eyebrow. “Gotta go. One of my friends needs to look over my notes before they write their essay.”

“And you can’t do this  _ after _ you finish eating?” Yuta sets down his chopsticks as he looks Johnny in the eye.

“Uh,” Johnny says, “not this time. They’ve got clubs to go to like all day starting in like an hour, so the faster I get there the better.”

Yuta shrugs. “Alright man. I’ll see you in class on Monday.”

Johnny picks up his tray and puts it away before he begins to make a mad dash off campus, changing into clothes that don’t make him look like a rich asshole be damned.

 

\---

 

When Jaehyun walks into the kitchen in the morning, it’s more crowded than he expects. Taeil’s at the counter, trying to ration out the various ingredients he found in the cabinets into something that vaguely resembles a meal. Winwin is at the table, sitting in the same seat as last night. The only thing convincing Jaehyun that he hadn’t been sitting there all night is the pair of pajama pants that he’s wearing. And last, but certainly not least, sitting across from Winwin is the other prostitute of the house.

“I thought you weren’t here right now,” Jaehyun says, plopping down in a seat midway between the two omegas.

Ten sighs. “Fucking alphas,” he mutters. “You see, while I wasn’t here last night, I am here now. It’s funny how time works like that.”

Taeil sighs. “Tone the sarcasm down a little, Ten. You might actually have a nice personality beneath it.”

The omega rolls his eyes. “Sarcasm is my personality.”

“So,” Jaehyun says, “why are you here this early if you weren’t here last night?”

Ten sets his phone down on the table. “I found out something that I need to tell Johnny. And no, I won’t tell you ahead of time what it is.”

Jaehyun shrugs, and as Taeyong finally sits down at the table with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, they sit down to eat the somewhat-questionable meals of pastries and random vegetables that Taeil has made for them. Twenty minutes of near-silent eating and small talk later, there’s a knock at the door that Taeil goes to answer.

Taeil returns to the kitchen with Johnny a few steps behind him, clearly sweaty and out of breath. “You actually ran,” Ten comments, and Johnny sighs.

“What did you need?”

“I’m pregnant,” Ten says, a pastry in his fingers. The room is silent, awkward, and Ten seems to be the only one that doesn’t notice. “And since you’re the only one that I’ve had unprotected sex with, I’m pretty sure it’s yours.”

Everything is still for a second. Johnny swallows. “What?”

“You heard me,” Ten says. Taeil walks back to his place at the table, and Johnny takes a seat between Jaehyun and Ten.

“Why aren’t you freaking out right now?” Johnny asks, which is a valid question. Ten is prone to having mental breakdowns over small problems on the best of days.

“Because I already had my freak out session at 4 am this morning when I took the pregnancy test.” Johnny picks a pastry off of Ten’s plate as he looks at him. Taeyong stands and walks out of the kitchen, waving off Jaehyun’s questioning look.

“Why did you do the test at 4 am?”

Ten chuckles. “Apparently, the kids only like robbing actual stores at 3 am.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “How do the kids rob stores when they’re closed? Like I can understand how shoplifting works, I’m just a bit confused on the logistics of how you would do it when you can’t get through the door.”

“Something about disabling cameras and climbing through air vents,” Ten says. Johnny reaches out to hold Ten’s hand. Ten lets him.

“I know you call them kids, but they’re not that young, are they?” Jaehyun taps his foot against the tile floor. “Like, they’re not small enough to climb through air vents.”

“Renjun is,” Ten says. “I think it’s a mastered skill.”

Taeil interrupts. “I think we’re missing the point here.  _ Why  _ were the kids robbing the store to get you a pregnancy test? Couldn’t you have just bought one?’

“If it was going to be negative, it wouldn’t be worth paying for,” Ten says. “And besides, I didn’t take one. I took, like, five. That adds up.”

Johnny sighs. “I could have gotten them for you, you know that, right?”

“I didn’t want to worry you if it wasn’t necessary,” Ten says. Johnny opens his mouth to say something, but Ten cuts him off. “Don’t fight me on this, Johnny.”

Johnny sighs and leans in closer to Ten. “I won’t.” He looks Ten in the eye. “Are you going to keep the baby?”

“Are you going to be there for me?”

The others at the table are silent. Taeil looks away as if to give them some privacy, but Jaehyun and Winwin watch on.

“Always.”

 

\---

 

Doyoung fidgets with the bracelet on his wrist that Jaehyun had given him as an apology for never being there when Doyoung needs him. It’s a plain silver band with a clasp, their initials engraved on the opposite side with the date of their planned marriage between the two sets of letters. Doyoung doesn’t know whether he loves it or hates it, but he hasn’t taken it off since Jaehyun put it on his wrist half a year ago.

“So, Doyoung, what are you planning to do with your law degree when you graduate?” Yunho sends Doyoung an encouraging smile.

“I’m planning to practice corporate law,” Doyoung says. He takes another bite of Jaehyun’s mom’s cooking.

“I applaud you for that,” Yunho says. “There aren’t many omegas working in law at all, let alone corporate law. Although,” oh no, “I am concerned that it will become difficult to maintain that position when you have children in the future.”

Jaehyun swallows loudly. “I’m sure we’re not going to have children until a few years after we get married.” Doyoung nearly sighs in relief. Better to let Jaehyun argue with his dad than him.

“You will have them eventually,” Yunho says, “so it may become a problem at that point.” He pauses, and when Jaehyun looks ready to respond, he cuts him off. “I don’t mean to discourage you, Doyoung, I really do think it’s a good decision. I just think that it’s something you should think about.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Doyoung says. Jaehyun looks like he’s about to say something. Doyoung puts a hand on his thigh beneath the table.

“And besides,” Boa chimes in, “with what Jaehyun will be earning at the company, there’s no need for you to work if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Doyoung says, and they leave it at that. Yunho begins to question Jaehyun about how his courses are going--final semester, after all.

When they’ve finished with dinner, they bid Yunho and Boa goodbye and walk out of the fancy house where Jaehyun had grown up, back to the car with the chauffeur who will drive them back to campus. Inside the car, Jaehyun puts his hand lightly on Doyoung’s knee.

“What you said earlier,” Jaehyun begins. Doyoung nods, despite not quite knowing what he’s referring to. “You know you’ll never be a burden to me, right?”

Doyoung smiles bitterly. “Jaehyun, don’t pretend. Neither of us chose this.”

“That doesn’t mean that I can’t try to make you happy,” Jaehyun says. “I’m still going to be your husband. We’re still going to live together and have children. And that means that I need to treat you well. You deserve it.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” Doyoung says. He looks out the window, at the darkening streets that roll past. He can feel Jaehyun’s gaze on his cheek. It’s filled with pity, and Doyoung hates it.

Jaehyun sighs, turning away from him. “Doyoung.”

“Yes?”

“Just answer one question.” At a lack of protest, he continues. “If our parents didn’t set us up like this and you could marry anyone that you want, who would you choose?”

Doyoung feels a pain in his chest, like his heart has moved up into his throat and his lungs are left to pump without it. From the first day Doyoung met Jaehyun, years before their parents officially set them up, it had been him. Messy hair and honest eyes and that nerdy alpha excitement had left him with butterflies in his stomach for days at a time. Before they had been constrained into this awkward relationship, they had shared secrets and known each other so well and Doyoung had fallen. But Jaehyun hadn’t, and Doyoung could see it in his eyes.

“I can’t tell you,” Doyoung responds. “It would break your heart.”

 

\---

 

There aren’t enough words in the world to describe the way that Ten looks plastered to bedsheets, spread beneath Johnny’s hands. He’s usually filled with quips and sarcasm, yet in these breathless moments, he looks so beautiful. All of his boundaries and lies are torn away and what’s left is the omega that Johnny fell for over a year ago with cunning eyes and deep love masked in mistrust.

Johnny kisses him, and Ten gasps for air into his lips and Johnny thinks they might just swallow each other whole. Ten is always desperate in moments like these, clinging onto Johnny’s neck and shoulders and digging his fingers into the skin like he’s trying to hold onto him and keep him. Johnny doesn’t mind, he’d stay in Ten’s arms for as long as he would allow him to.

As Johnny lays beside Ten in the afterglow, he runs a hand over Ten’s stomach and hates the fact that so many other alphas have seen Ten like this. That Ten has smiled for them in that teasing way and led them to bed and allowed them to use him for money because if Johnny’s certain of anything it’s that Ten deserves so much more than to be used.

“I’ll pay for anything you need,” Johnny says. Ten leans closer, his hand resting on Johnny’s chest.

“That’s not necessary.”

“Just listen to me, alright?” At Ten’s silence, he continues. “I’ll pay for anything you need, and then when I graduate we’ll get an apartment together. And a few months after the baby’s born, we’ll have a proper wedding ceremony. We’ll raise our baby together. You’ll never have to sell yourself again.”

“Johnny,” Ten looks ready to say something else, but Johnny cuts him off.

“I love you, Ten.” He brushes the tips of his fingers over Ten’s cheek. “I know you hate saying things like that, and I don’t expect you to say it back. But please. Just let me do this for you.”

Ten looks away. “You’re asking me for forever.”

“Are you willing to give it?”

Ten meets Johnny’s eyes, and in that moment, he knows that he has him. Johnny smiles, and when Ten kisses him, he wonders how he got so lucky.

 

\---

 

Yuta snuffs the cigarette butt out in the ashtray on the motel bedside table. It’s fucking pitiful. The rich young heir, destined for so many great things, sitting on the bed of some ratty motel with the same prostitute he’s been seeing for the past two months because he can’t get an actual partner. Gods, he fucking hates himself at times like these.

His eyes wander from the stained walls to the more stained sheets. The boy in bed with him is still naked with his face in a pillow, but his breathing isn’t even enough for him to be asleep. He looks pretty, as much as Yuta hates to admit it. The sweat on his back glimmers in the dim light, almost making him shine like Yuta imagines an angel would. He sighs.

Yuta gets up, pulling his clothes on from where he had left them on the floor. He hopes that no spiders or roaches have crawled their way into the fabric, but one can never be sure in a place like this. He puts the money on the bedside table.

“I’m going to go now,” Yuta says. “You can stay here for the night, if you want.”

The boy finally lifts his head to look at him. “It’s fine, I need to get back out there anyway.”

His lips are so fucking pretty, so red. Yuta looks away. “I paid you enough for the whole night. Get some sleep.”

“If you paid for the whole night, you should stay.” He sits up in bed, looking like he’s ready to walk to Yuta and bring him back.

Yuta shakes his head. “Take it as a gift. You need some rest.”

“Thanks.” He’s blushing. “I’m still going to go somewhere else to get that rest, though. I have a place to go.”

“Somewhere covered in fewer roaches, hopefully?” Yuta can’t help but smile.

“Hopefully.” He pulls on his clothes, putting the money into his pocket. Before he opens the door, he looks back at Yuta. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Winwin.”

 

\---

 

Taeil sighs as he cleans the cut on Renjun’s arm. It’s not too deep, but it’s definitely not a paper cut. “Please tell me you got this for a reason that was not shoplifting drug-store merchandise.”

“Not drug-store,” Jeno says. “Hardware store.”

Renjun sighs loudly. “I’m going to kill you, you know that, right?”

“You love me,” Jeno says. Taeil sighs at the both of them.

“Why were you robbing a hardware store?” Taeil rubs the alcohol-covered rag over the cut one more time, just to make sure it’s disinfected. Renjun winces a little, but doesn’t whine.

Jaemin walks out of the bathroom. “Who ever said we were robbing anything?”

“Our dumbass boyfriend,” Renjun replies, and Jaemin sighs understandingly.

Jaemin sits down at the table next to Jeno. “I’ll go ahead and explain. So Donghyuck found this abandoned apartment that he really likes. Pretty small, but it works for him.” Taeil nods. “He wanted to repaint this one room, but he didn’t have any paint, and as we all know, paint is really expensive.”

“So he asked you to get some for him?” Taeil asks. He puts the cloth away, bringing out another one and dousing it in water alone.

“Exactly!” Jeno says. “So we were trying to sneak in a little after closing time, but it turns out that hardware stores in the dark aren’t the best place to be walking around if you’re not sure where you’re going.”

“Why were you in the dark?” Taeil rubs the wet cloth over the cut, hoping that the water will alleviate some of the burning sensation. Renjun finally relaxes a little.

“We had a flashlight,” Jaemin says, “and then it died.”

Renjun looks at Taeil with frustration in his eyes. “I tried to tell them that we were in a hardware store and that there were new flashlights and batteries everywhere. They wouldn’t listen to me.”

“So anyway, we found what we thought was the paint shelf,” Jaemin says as Jeno reaches over to hold Renjun’s other hand, as if in apology. “And we lifted Renjun up to get something off one of the higher shelves, and it turns out we were wrong.”

“Be glad I just grazed my arm against the blade instead of grabbing it with my hand,” Renjun says. “Because you two would have been dead in ten minutes if I had.”

Taeil nearly laughs as he reaches for the bandages to wrap around Renjun’s arm. There’s something hilarious about watching this tiny omega threaten his own partners, but Taeil knows from experience that Renjun follows through on his threats. “You’re all patched up. There’s an extra room if you three want to stay for the night.”

“Will do,” Jaemin says. He grabs Jeno by the arm, who, by extension, drags Renjun along as they walk out of the kitchen.

Taeil decides to make some tea for himself before getting ready for bed. Besides the kids, Taeyong stayed all day after Jaehyun left. Taeyong said that he’s going to visit his mom’s place in the morning, and they all know that he needs to sleep peacefully, soberly, the night before he does. 

As the water finishes boiling, Taeil hears a knock at the door. He glances through the peephole and opens it to let Sicheng in. Sicheng goes to sit down at the kitchen table, and Taeil pours two cups of tea. He sets one down in front of Sicheng, and then sits next to him with his own.

“Was it alright tonight?” Taeil asks, and Sicheng nods.

“I only had one,” he says. “Paid me enough for the whole night and told me to get some sleep.”

Taeil nods. “That’s good. And he’s right, you should get some sleep.” Sicheng smiles, but there’s still something on his mind. “Is there anything worrying you?”

Sicheng sighs. “I just.” He sets his cup down. “I’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and I know he doesn’t really care but then he does things like this and I’m not so sure. And just watching Ten and Johnny together makes me think that there’s hope in the world, even for people like me. But I don’t want to get my hopes up if I’m only going to have to watch them fall.”

Taeil takes Sicheng’s hand in his. “Those are valid thoughts and concerns,” Taeil says. “But I hope you know that, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here to catch you when you fall.”

Sicheng smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You always take such good care of us, Taeil.”

Taeil returns the smile and unlinks their hands. He takes both cups and puts them in the sink to wash tomorrow morning. “It’s just the right thing to do.” He stops by the table as he walks out of the kitchen. “You should get to bed.”

“Can I sleep in your room tonight?” Sicheng asks, and his eyes glimmer at Taeil and Taeil can only smile at him.

“Of course.”

 

\---

 

When Johnny was growing up, the one thing that his parents would never allow him to skip out on was Sunday morning family breakfast. It was something sacred for them. Johnny would come down in his pajamas and sit next to Mark and they would eat their parents’ cooking and just talk. Johnny would let go of his weekday worries and just be with the people he cared about.

Jaehyun cracks another joke between bites, and Doyoung and Mark both crack up laughing even though it wasn’t that funny. Jungwoo smiles softly, even if he doesn’t laugh, and Johnny remembers the way that the light would come through the dining room windows on Sunday mornings and paint patterns of dancing light and dark on the table. He’s with his family now, the family that he chose for himself. Almost.

“Bro, are you doing alright?” Mark’s looking at him, an eyebrow raised. “You seem like you’re a bit out of it.”

“I’m fine,” Johnny says. “I’ve just got something on my mind.”

Doyoung leans closer to him across the table. “You can trust us, you know. If you want to talk it out.”

Johnny takes a deep breath. He looks to his right, catching Jaehyun’s eyes. He lingers there for a second. He’ll do it. He turns back to the others. “It’s nothing bad.” He pauses for another breath. “I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend is pregnant.”

Mark, Doyoung, and Jungwoo all ask him questions in quick succession, but he doesn’t really hear any of them. Jaehyun smiles at him, and Johnny releases the breath he was holding. “Yeah,” he says. “My boyfriend is pregnant. And we’re going to get married.”

 

\---

 

Yuta stares across the café table at the other alpha. He keeps looking out the window every ten seconds or so. He hadn’t said anything after he had asked Yuta if he could sit with him, and Yuta knows nothing about him besides the fact that he likes matcha green tea smoothies, which really is not much information.

“Are you alright?” Yuta ventures, because really, the guy could put anyone on edge just by looking at him.

He snaps out of his window watching. He blinks at Yuta before taking a deep breath and nodding. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Do you mind if I ask what?” Yuta asks. “No pressure to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’ve found that telling strangers about your problems can actually be rather cathartic.”

The alpha nods. He takes another sip of his smoothie. “I’m looking for my little brother. He disappeared a few months ago, and I managed to track him to this area. I haven’t had much luck in actually finding him, though.”

“There are millions of people in the city,” Yuta says. “It’s impressive you’ve even managed to narrow it down to this area.”

The alpha laughs. “I’m not even certain of that. It’s an educated guess at best, and a total crapshoot at worst.”

Yuta shrugs. “So what’s your little brother like? Maybe I’ve seen him around.”

“Omega. Shy, but an absolute little shit once you get to know him. Loves dancing more than I’ve ever seen anyone love something,” he responds. “His name’s Sicheng.”

Yuta shakes his head. “I haven’t met anyone with that name. Sorry, man.”

“Figures,” he says. “Like you said, there are millions of people in the city.”

The alpha looks like he’s ready to leave. Yuta reaches out a hand to stop him. “Hey, why don’t you give me your number and I’ll tell you if I hear anything, alright?”

“Sure, thanks.” He takes Yuta’s phone and creates a new contact. “I’m Kun, by the way.”

 

\---

 

Taeyong sighs as he prepares himself to knock on the apartment door. He hasn’t seen his mom in weeks, and he’s just waiting for the guilt trip about not visiting more often. His mom doesn’t deserve what Taeyong puts him through.

He takes a deep breath and knocks. Half a minute later, the door opens, and he is immediately pulled into a hug. It’s a desperate hug, and Taeyong almost feels guilty. “Mom, could you please stop choking me to death?”

“I wouldn’t need to if you didn’t make me worry about whether or not you were even alive,” Jaejoong says. Taeyong inhales his scent, and he smells like home and it’s moments like these that Taeyong wishes he still called this dingy apartment home.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong says, and Jaejoong finally lets him go. 

They sit on the couch and just listen to the sounds of the old radio randomly flipping between wavelengths, and Taeyong almost feels like a child again. Jaejoong runs a hand through his hair, and Taeyong leans his head against his shoulder. Jaejoong has always been able to tell when something is bothering him, even if he tries so hard to pretend that there’s nothing. He supposes that that’s what it means to be a mother.

“I have something to tell you.”

Jaejoong nods, and Taeyong wants to hide his face because he knows that no matter what he says Jaejoong will still love him and that’s far more than he deserves.

“I think I’m pregnant,” Taeyong says. “And the father is engaged to someone else and I’ve been using drugs and alcohol up to this point in the pregnancy and I’m going to be a terrible mom and I have no fucking clue how to deal with this situation.”

Jaejoong doesn’t stop combing his fingers through his hair, doesn’t even bat an eyelid at the confession. “You’ll get through it.”

“I know that it’s a parent’s job to encourage their kid, but I’ve fucked up this time and I know it,” Taeyong says. “How the hell am I supposed to be a good mom when I can’t even stay clean for more than a few days? What if it hurts the baby?”

Jaejoong forces Taeyong to look at him. “Do you know how I know that you’ll get through it?”

“How?”

Jaejoong looks at him the same way he looked at him when Taeyong was six years old and watched a man die for the first time. “Because you’re my son. And if I could get through it, you can too.”

“It’s completely different, though,” Taeyong says, and Jaejoong raises a cold, calculated eyebrow.

“How so?” Jaejoong challenges, and Taeyong says nothing. “I was high on drugs and drinking my way through weeks at a time when Yunho left me for his perfect alpha female fiancée. And when I found out that I was pregnant with you, I didn’t fall into self pity. I pulled myself up, got clean, and raised you to be a strong omega who doesn’t need anyone else to survive.

“Are you the son I raised or not?”


	2. Descent

Mark has always thought that he knows his older brother pretty well. Johnny’s the definition of the perfect son, loyal, dependable, all that. He’s also super clumsy and nerdy, but that’s the side of Johnny that only people like Mark and Jaehyun were privy to. He’s also been unusually adept at persuading their parents not to matchmake him with random girls or omegas. Looking back on it, Mark really shouldn’t have been surprised that Johnny already had someone.

In reality, it takes quite a bit of time for Mark to get used to the idea. It doesn’t help that he’s never even seen Johnny’s boyfriend. Or heard basically anything about him beyond the fact that he exists and that he’s pregnant. And it’s been weeks now since Johnny decided to drop the bombshell on him at breakfast.

“Dude, have you been so busy this semester you forgot how to play Mario Kart?” Johnny teases after beating Mark for the third time in a row. “And you’re a freshman, too. You don’t even have an excuse.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “Maybe I’ve just got better games to spend my time on. I can’t play the same game 24/7, man. No matter how much childhood nostalgia it holds.”

Johnny laughs. “Whatever you say. One more round?”

“Of course.” They gear up for one more round when Johnny’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He sets the controller down and takes it out to check the text.

Mark watches as Johnny texts back and forth for a minute or two. He looks kind of concerned, but not to the point that Mark is worried by proxy. When Johnny sets the phone down, he turns to look at Mark and says, “Sorry, man, my boyfriend needs me.”

He stands up and gets ready to leave the dorm room. Mark swallows. “Can I tag along? If you’re going to marry this guy, I want to meet him.”

Johnny hesitates. He takes a deep breath and then he looks back at Mark. “I’m going to need you to keep an open mind.”

Mark blinks. “Why? Like I will, but why do I need to?”

“It’s easier to show you than to explain,” Johnny says. “Just follow me, and please don’t do anything stupid.”

Mark almost argues that he never does stupid things, but then he remembers that Johnny has known him for as long as he has been alive and could probably name off about a hundred stupid things he’s done without even trying that hard. So instead, he just makes sure he has his phone in his pocket and follows Johnny out of his dorm room.

Once they get a few minutes off campus, Mark realizes that they’re walking in the direction of the part of town that they had been warned during orientation to never _ever_ set foot in. The buildings get progressively more run down the farther they walk, but Johnny never stops to look at any of the broken windows or boarded-up doors. Mark figures he should do the same. Johnny leads him up a set of stairs on the outside of one of the buildings and walks past a line of identical doors before knocking on one of them. The building isn’t the most rundown in comparison to the buildings around it, but that really isn’t saying much.

The door opens, and they are ushered inside by a young beta man. After the door is closed, Johnny turns to the beta and begins gesturing between him and Mark. “Taeil, this is my little brother Mark. Mark, this is Taeil, the owner of this place. He takes care of people.”

“I try,” Taeil says, and begins to lead them further into the apartment. “Ten’s in the kitchen waiting for you. Donghyuck’s here too.”

Johnny laughs. “Did you finally convince him to stay here, or is he just visiting?”

“Just visiting.” Taeil sighs. “He’s still trying to live on his own in that abandoned apartment he found a few blocks away. He won’t even let Yukhei or any of the other younger kids live with him.”

“Can you blame him, though?” Johnny says, and Taeil just smiles and shakes his head. They walk into the kitchen, Mark a few steps behind.

They are greeted by the sight of two omegas sitting at the table. One of them has a plate of slices of red bell peppers in front of him, while the other is trying (unsubtly) to steal slices off the plate. Johnny sits down next to the omega with the plate and kisses him on the cheek. “What’s up with the peppers?”

“Ten’s having cravings,” the other omega says. “And they’re actually not that bad, after you burn off your taste buds.”

“Stop stealing my food, Donghyuck,” Ten says. Donghyuck sticks out his tongue.

“Stealing is my job,” he replies, and Mark realizes, once again, that this was probably why Johnny told him to keep an open mind.

Johnny lays a hand on Ten’s arm. “You wanted to talk to me?”

Ten nods. “I missed you.” He stands up and wraps his fingers around Johnny’s wrist. “Somewhere more private, yeah?”

Johnny nods and follows him out of the kitchen, and Mark is left with Donghyuck and Taeil and the plate of peppers in the middle of an apartment on the wrong side of town. Sighing a little, he takes a seat at the table near Donghyuck. He stares at Mark, scrutinizing every feature on his face one by one. Donghyuck licks his lips.

Taeil walks past them to the counter. He looks at Donghyuck. “Don’t.”

Donghyuck sighs. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t try to flirt with Johnny’s little brother,” Taeil says. Donghyuck’s eyes light up at the new information.

Donghyuck maintains eye contact with Mark as he tilts his head back, stretching the side of his neck to accentuate his pulse point. How unsubtle.

“I’m straight,” Mark says, and Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

“So is spaghetti until you boil it.”

Mark blinks. “What are you trying to imply?”

“I’m good at turning up the heat.”

Mark blinks again. Taeil sighs. Donghyuck smirks.

 

\---

 

Jungwoo knows he’s not the kind of omega that most alphas want--he’s too tall, and he’s had more than a few alphas turn him down purely because of the sound of his speaking voice. The only alphas who’ve ever asked him on dates have been those who pity him and those who want him because of his status. Because his family is rich and his big brother is marrying Jung Jaehyun.

Yuta sets down a plate with two slices of pie on the table and takes the seat across from him. “You’re good with cherries, right?”

Jungwoo nods, picking up his fork and slicing a bite off of one of the slices as Yuta does the same.

“Listen, I know that you’re probably not that into me,” Yuta says, noting the hesitance that has been on Jungwoo’s face ever since they came to the café. “I understand. But we both know that marriages for people like us aren’t for love, they’re for status.”

Jungwoo raises an eyebrow. “And?”

“If you can’t find anyone over the next year or two, I want you to consider me. Because both of us seem to have problems with getting anyone else, and with our status, we both need someone before we’re halfway into our twenties.”

Jungwoo sighs and looks away. “I’m still holding out for love. And if it comes down to just marrying for status, I may as well marry Mark. I’m better friends with him than I am with you.”

“Isn’t he straight?” Yuta says, and Jungwoo shrugs. “Besides, he’s a second son and I’m an heir. Think about which of us could give you more.”

“Yuta, I really don’t think we would be good together. I’m sorry.”

Yuta sighs. He sets his fork and stands up, pushing the plate with the rest of the cherry pie towards Jungwoo’s side of the table. “Just keep it in mind, alright?”

 

\---

 

Sicheng is used to the way that alphas touch him--wanting, uncaring, quick to use and quick to discard. Their touches are always rough, kneading his skin with their fingers and digging bruises into his hips with their fingernails. It fucking hurts, and maybe that’s why Taeil feels so good in comparison.

Taeil’s touches are soft, almost reverent in a way, and when he presses kisses to the skin of Sicheng’s neck, he’s careful not to leave marks. Sicheng never thought that blowjobs could be romantic, but Taeil’s the only person that’s ever bothered to suck him off or even really give him any kind of pleasure.

The other big difference is that Taeil never pushes Sicheng away when it’s over, he holds him close and whispers words in his ears that Sicheng never thought anyone would say to him, not since he ran away from his responsibilities and sold his innocence.

“You’re so beautiful,” Taeil will say one night. “Don’t ever leave,” he’ll say the next, and he’ll look guilty about it because he knows that Sicheng wants to get far away from here and can’t. And on some nights, when Taeil’s eyes are shining, he’ll nuzzle his face into Sicheng’s neck and whisper, “I love you.”

 

\---

 

As awkward as hanging out with Donghyuck can be with the guy flirting down his neck every three minutes, Mark finds that he actually kind of likes spending time with him. And maybe that’s why, every weekend or so, Mark finds himself in the little apartment a few blocks from Taeil’s that Donghyuck has claimed as his own.

“We’re going exploring,” Jaemin says, standing on the old coffee table like it’s a stage. “Would either of you have any interest in joining us?”

Mark raises an eyebrow, but Donghyuck shrugs and Mark figures that they might as well. Renjun pulls Jaemin down from the table--“why did you think it was a good idea to stand on tables, anyway?”--and they prepare to set off. Mark texts one of those google-pin locations to Johnny and Jungwoo with a request to call him if he doesn’t text back that he’s safe within the next three hours, because alerting people of your location is survival tip number one.

Mark admits that he feels a bit on edge wandering around this part of town, but when he voices his worries, Jaemin’s only response is, “No one’s going to hurt us. Most people around here know us well enough to know that if they tried, Renjun would probably stab them.”

Mark shies away from the small omega after that. But Jaemin and Jeno are each holding one of his hands, so that means he doesn’t have a hand to stab with, right? Mark really doesn’t want to find out.

They end up climbing through an abandoned building, one of the ones with boarded up windows that Mark had seen on his first time venturing into this neighborhood. He uses his phone as a flashlight as they explore the abandoned apartments, mostly filled with bugs and old furniture but occasionally with photos, children’s artwork, marks of lives that had been lived here. People that weren’t here anymore. Mark didn’t want to know what degree of “gone” they were.

By the time that they’re climbing out of the building an hour and a half later, Mark doesn’t notice that his phone is nearly dead.

 

\---

 

Jungwoo presses the phone to his ear, hoping that Mark will pick up and he won’t have to try to go find him like the semi-responsible friend he is. Unfortunately for Jungwoo’s plans, the call goes straight to voicemail. Jungwoo sighs.

Jungwoo gets off of his bed, trudging over to peek through Doyoung’s bedroom door. “Mark texted me his location a while ago and hasn’t texted me back since then. I’m going to go look for him.”

Doyoung turns his head away from his textbook. “Do you need me to go with you?”

Jungwoo looks at the map on his phone. “I don’t think so. I mean, it’s not anywhere I recognize, but it’s only like a ten, maybe twenty-minute walk?”

“Be safe,” Doyoung says. “Call me if you need anything.”

Jungwoo nods and walks out of the apartment that they share on the edge of campus. He begins walking in the direction of the map marker on his phone. This isn’t the side of town that Jungwoo would normally explore--he can tell that both from the map and from the look of the buildings--but he doesn’t feel too nervous. And maybe that overconfidence is what comes to bite him in the ass when he is pulled into an alleyway and a knife is pressed against his neck.

Jungwoo doesn’t really hear what his attacker is saying, his heart is beating out of his chest and his breath is louder than his thoughts. He just retreats into himself, closes his eyes and prays that the attacker only wants his money or something--he can take his wallet, he can take whatever he fucking wants as long as Jungwoo stays safe and untouched.

There’s a shout, and suddenly the pressure of the knife against his neck disappears and it sounds like there are footsteps running away from him. Jungwoo doesn’t open his eyes, but he sinks down against the wall behind his back and curls into himself and he’s probably sobbing at this point but he can’t find it in himself to care.

“Hey, are you alright?” a rough voice asks, and Jungwoo looks up from his knees to find the most beautiful alpha he’s ever scene kneeling in front of him.

Jungwoo nods, and he’s also probably blushing, even with tears still on his cheeks. “I’m fine,” he says, and he waits for the alpha to cringe at his voice because they all fucking do.

He doesn’t. If anything, he looks just as speechless as Jungwoo does. After a moment, he stands and reaches out a hand to Jungwoo. “Here,” he says, “I’m Yukhei. But you can call me Lucas, or Xuxi, or really, you can call me whatever you want and I probably wouldn’t care because it’d sound angelic anyway.”

Jungwoo blushes and takes the hand. “I’m Jungwoo.”

Yukhei smiles at him, and Jungwoo melts. “Pretty name.” He leans in, looking at Jungwoo’s neck. He brings up a finger to run along the line on Jungwoo’s neck, and Jungwoo compels himself not to flinch. “That bastard broke your skin.” He looks away, takes a deep breath, and then meets Jungwoo’s eyes again. “It’s not too bad, though, nothing that won’t heal. Come with me, I know someone who can help.”

Jungwoo nods, and Yukhei takes his hand and leads him through the rundown neighborhood and Jungwoo should probably be more mindful of who he trusts, but this pretty alpha just saved his life.

They reach an apartment, and Yukhei explains what happened to the beta who meets them at the door--Taeil, Jungwoo thinks he heard--and then they are sitting in the kitchen and Taeil is dabbing at the thin cut on his neck with alcohol to disinfect it and it burns like hell but Yukhei is still holding his hand and it’s not that bad. There are two more omegas sitting at the table with them, talking to each other under their breath. One of them turns to look at Jungwoo after a few minutes.

“So what were you doing in this area?” he asks. “You seem a little out of place.”

“I was looking for my friend,” Jungwoo says, and it’s probably not a good idea to be talking, but now Taeil’s placing a skin-colored bandage on the cut so he’s mostly done anyway. “He hasn’t texted me in a few hours, and the last time he texted me he with his location and asked for me to look for him if he didn’t text back in three hours.”

The omega nods. “Can I see the location he texted you? Maybe we can help you find him.”

Jungwoo nods, pulling up the map and passing it over to the omega. He looks at the map, then looks at the other omega and then at Taeil. “Isn’t that Donghyuck’s--” He pauses. “What’s your friend’s name?”

“Mark,” Jungwoo says, and the omegas share a glance.

The one with the phone passes it back. “I’m Sicheng,” he reaches out his hand to Jungwoo. “This is Taeyong. I think we can help you find your friend.”

Jungwoo smiles and Sicheng pulls out his own phone and begins texting someone. Jungwoo’s phone rings. “My brother’s calling me.”

He picks up, and from the other end of the line, Doyoung already sounds worried. Maybe Jungwoo’s been gone longer than he thought. “ _Are you alright?”_

“I’m fine,” Jungwoo says, and that’s not the full story, but his brother doesn’t need to know that. “I’ll be home in like an hour, alright, Doyoung?”

Jungwoo’s not looking at the other occupants of the room, but if he was, he probably would have scene the wide-eyed look that they shared in the seconds after he said his brother’s name. Oh shit.

 

\---

 

It’s not the most ideal thing to bond over, looking for a missing person, but somehow, Yuta finds himself calling Kun up for lunch, just to talk about how Kun’s progress is going. And maybe once turns into twice, and soon they’re not talking about Kun’s brother, they’re talking about anime and shitty movies and they’re just two guys. Kun’s similar to Yuta in a lot of ways. Similar upbringing, similar outlook on the world on a lot of things. The only real beef that Yuta has found with Kun so far involves Naruto, so he’d say they’re getting along pretty well.

Sometimes things turn back to Kun’s brother, though. And Yuta hates those moments, because it usually turns into Kun worrying and Yuta having to convince him not to, even though Yuta’s worrying too and he’s never even met the kid.

“I’m just--what if he ended up in a bad situation?” Kun says. “Like, the area that I narrowed down to includes both some of the best and worst areas in the city.”

Yuta shakes his head. “Listen, if your brother comes from a family like yours, he’d never willingly put himself in a situation like that.”

“What if he wasn’t willing, though?”

Yuta doesn’t have any answer for that, and it seems like Kun doesn’t either.

 

\---

 

Jaejoong is a bit of a compulsive cleaner, but Taeyong kind of likes watching him clean the apartment, because it feels a bit like home and childhood and all those times when Taeyong would track mud in on his feet and Jaejoong would just sigh and lead him to the bath and the mud he tracked in would be gone by the time he was clean.

“I know it’s stupid,” Taeyong says, and Jaejoong nods along while he runs a feather-duster over a shelf. “Because I won’t ever get to actually share any part of his life, but whenever Jaehyun tells me about his accomplishments and how he’s going to work with his dad after he graduates, I just feel so proud of him.”

Jaejoong smiles to himself. “That’s not stupid at all,” Jaejoong says. “It’s natural to feel proud of those you love.” He pauses, glancing back at Taeyong. “What company is he going to work for, again?”

Taeyong says the company name, and he can see Jaejoong’s eyebrows knit together. “His dad’s the CEO.”

Jaejoong gulps, looking away, out the window, anywhere but at Taeyong. “What did you say Jaehyun’s family name was?”

“Jung,” Taeyong says, and Jaejoong takes a deep breath, and Taeyong thinks he hears him muttering to himself.

Jaejoong sets down the feather-duster. He walks to Taeyong, kneeling down in front of the couch and taking Taeyong’s hands in his own. “I’m sorry,” he says. “But I think you need to terminate your pregnancy. We can go to a doctor soon to get it done.”

“What do you mean?” Taeyong says, and his eyebrows must be in his hairline.

“Your father, Yunho, is the CEO of that company. You and Jaehyun are brothers.”

Taeyong shakes his head, and he lets go of Jaejoong’s hands, pushing him away, running out of the main room of the apartment to the bedroom that he and Jaejoong had shared all his life and locking the door behind himself.

It can’t be true--It just can’t. Jaehyun is the love of his life. And it doesn’t matter that Taeyong could never be his because he wasn’t part of that part of society, that Jaehyun was engaged, because Jaehyun still wanted him and they were in love and Jaehyun isn’t his fucking brother. And even if Jaehyun is his brother, it’s not their baby’s fault. Taeyong doesn’t want to live without his baby. Their baby.

And maybe it’s not the baby that needs to die. Maybe it’s Taeyong. Because he was the original mistake, here, wasn’t he? His father didn’t want him, society didn’t want him. And the moment he found someone that wanted him, it’s someone that could never fucking have him. Taeyong doesn’t belong.

It’s as simple as that.

 

\---

 

Ten thinks he might be going crazy, because every apartment that he looks at with Johnny always has _something_ wrong with it, and he can never pinpoint what, but it’s just _there_ and he can’t explain it, but Johnny tries to listen to his explanations anyway.

“I just,” Ten says, “I know I probably don’t have any real frame of reference for what an apartment should be like, since I grew up in ones where the building was literally slowly falling apart, but something just doesn’t seem right.”

Johnny nods, taking his hand as they walk down the street after what seems like the 20th apartment showing they’ve gone to.

“And maybe it’s just that,” Ten continues. “Maybe I just want above and beyond for my kid since I never got that growing up.”

“I can understand that.” Johnny squeezes Ten’s hand, and Ten squeezes back. “And we’ll find a place eventually, all right? One that you can be happy with, and where we can raise our little prince with everything that he deserves.”

Ten smiles, leaning his head against Johnny’s shoulder. “Sounds like a dream.”

 

\---

 

“I just don’t understand. Like he lets me kiss him and everything, but as soon as my hands even graze his waist he pushes me away.” Yukhei pouts, his chin in his hand as he leans against the kitchen table.

Taeil leans back against the counter. “Maybe he’s just not ready to do anything else. You’re both still pretty young.”

Jaemin pipes up from where he’s sitting next to his boyfriends, who are in the middle of a rather intense game of cards. “Actually, I think it’s probably a little deeper than that.”

Taeil raises an eyebrow. “How so?”

“Well,” Jaemin says, “I think it’s a bit of a rich-person thing.” He shoots a glance at Sicheng, and Sicheng nods.

“They called it purity,” Sicheng says. “They drilled it into omegas from the time we could walk, practically.”

Taeyong watches on, taking a bite of the salad that he had made out of the random ingredients in Taeil’s fridge. He knows that Jaemin and Sicheng aren’t like the rest of them, that they weren’t born into this life. They chose this. Taeyong doesn’t know why anyone would, but they did.

“Like, I definitely got the least amount of exposure to it, as a beta, but I heard plenty of it from my friends,” Jaemin says. “Families like Jungwoo’s are purity obsessed. I’ve heard some families will even force omegas to be medically examined to prove their virginity before marriage.”

“Seriously?” Yukhei says. “That seems a bit extreme.”

“It is,” Sicheng says. “But it’s just what they value. They want their omegas to be ‘better’ than other omegas, so they force them to put on this air of purity. Plus, I’m pretty sure some of those alphas have a weird kink about  it.”

Taeyong nearly chokes on a lettuce leaf at that.

“Like, no offence, Taeyong, but I’m pretty sure one of the reasons Jaehyun was so attracted to you was because you told him that he was the only person to ever fuck you.”

Taeyong chokes again, and by this point, there’s probably a lettuce leaf just permanently lodged in his throat.

Jeno looks up from the cards. “What about Johnny, though? Like he’s also rich as hell, and he fell in love with a prostitute.”

Jaemin sighs. “Yeah, but Johnny’s weird as hell.” No one tries to argue against that.

“Anyway, so like, if I wanted to do stuff with Jungwoo, what should I do to get around all that?” Yukhei says, and Taeyong internally curses him for being such a stereotypical horny alpha.

“You don’t,” Jaemin says. “Not if you don’t want to go to jail for the rest of your life.”

“What do you mean?”

Jaemin sighs. “You remember how obsessed those families are? You have sex with Jungwoo, and no matter how consensual it was, when Jungwoo’s family finds out, they’ll have you logged into the police system under accusation of rape. And because they’re rich, you’ll get convicted. And then you’ll get as long of a sentence as they’re allowed to give you. And then, because you’re you and you’ve already done so much illegal stuff, they’ll drag up all of the stuff that you’ve gotten away with so far and charge you for that, too. And before you know it you’ll have so many years on your sentence that your life may as well be over.”

“And then,” Sicheng says, “even though Jungwoo would have supposedly been ‘raped,’ no reputable alpha of his status will ever agree to marry him, because he’s no longer pure. So for maybe half an hour of pleasure, you will have ruined both of your lives in one fell swoop.”

“Wow,” Yukhei says, ringing his hands together. “Harsh.”

Taeyong tries to finish his salad as they return to chatting about something that is not Yukhei’s sex life. If Jaehyun’s so willing to sleep with him--tries to do it everytime they see each other, practically--and not having sex before marriage is what shows that omegas have value in the eyes of people like Jaehyun, that must mean that Jaehyun doesn’t value him, right? Not the way that he values Doyoung. Not the way that he values someone deserving of him.

 

\---

 

It’s not the best time to have the epiphany, but it’s when he’s knotted in Winwin--condoms really are amazing--that he realizes that Winwin probably knows a lot of people around here. And that, just maybe, Winwin might be able to help them find Kun’s brother.

“I have this friend,” Yuta starts out with, and Winwin just nods, “he’s not from around here but he’s looking for his little brother and thinks that he might be in this area. Do you think you could help us find him?”

“I doubt I’d know him,” Winwin says, and Yuta just put more of his weight against Winwin’s back, and that probably hurts, but Winwin doesn't try to move away or push him off to the side. “But, I’m willing to try.”

“Thanks,” Yuta says. “I’ll get you, like, lunch for your trouble.”

And when it’s half an hour later and Yuta is texting Kun that he thinks his “prostitute friend” could help them, Kun’s response is a confused emoji, five question marks, and a “whatever works.”

 

\---

 

“My brother studies so much,” Jungwoo says, sighing into his hands. “Like really, I feel like I barely go out and he still goes out less than me.”

Yukhei raises an eyebrow, the way he does when he’s flirting, and Taeyong really wishes they would do this somewhere other than the kitchen. “Really?” His voice is husky and he’s clearly not actually paying attention to what Jungwoo was saying, because this is the least sexy thing they could have been discussing.

“Mhm,” Jungwoo says, and he’s also clearly not getting what Yukhei is trying to get across. “He’s always in his room. Like I think he considers a trip to the living room an adventure!”

Something flips in Taeyong’s brain, and he finds himself asking the question without meaning to. “You guys have a living room? I thought you were in dorms.”

Jungwoo shakes his head. “Doyoung and I have an apartment. It’s like, right on the edge of campus, though, so we’re not too far away.”

“Really?” Taeyong says, and if there’s an edge to his voice, Jungwoo and Yukhei are both too out of it to mention it. “Which edge of campus?”

“North edge. We’re in this ugly brown building, and like, we have the apartment on the end of our row, and the extra windows are nice, but they’re all in Doyoung’s bedroom anyways.”

This is really too easy. “Do you at least have a view?”

“No,” Jungwoo says, and he pouts. “We’re only on the third floor, and on one side, we’re backed against another building, and on the other the only thing across from us is a coffee shop.”

“That must be tough,” Taeyong says, and as he moves to stand up from the table and move out of the kitchen, he already has a plan forming in mind. Jungwoo’s absent minded blabbering actually came in handy for once.

Who knew.

 

\---

 

Jaehyun kisses Taeyong like he’s desperate for it, because Taeyong’s been distant for the past week now--hasn’t actually had sex with him in a month--and Jaehyun has no idea why. He pushes Taeyong against the mattress and Taeyong gasps into the kiss. Jaehyun reaches for the hem of Taeyong’s sweatshirt, but Taeyong stops him, halting his hands and holding them in his own. “Not tonight,” he breathes, and Jaehyun stops and stares at him for a minute. He looks wrecked. Not wrecked like he looks on drugs or alcohol, but like he’s been crying. Like he’s falling apart on the inside.

Jaehyun lays down next to him, and he just holds him, Taeyong’s back to his chest. Taeyong’s still holding onto his hands, holding them away from his waist. “Jaehyun.”

“Yes?”

“You know that I love you, right?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun says, and he presses a kiss to Taeyong’s neck. “I love you too.”

Taeyong takes a deep breath and Jaehyun tries not to notice that it sounds like a sob. “You’d be okay without me, though, wouldn’t you?”

“What are you saying, Taeyong?”

Taeyong buries his face into the mattress, muffling his words. “If something happened to me, you’d be able to move on, wouldn’t you?”

Jaehyun blinks. “Don’t think about that. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

“Just tell me yes, Jae. Whether you mean it or not. Please.”

“I--” Jaehyun pauses. Taeyong is always right. “Yes. As much as I love you, I’d still be able to keep on going.”

Taeyong nods to himself. “Thank you.”

They lay in this bedroom where they’ve shared so many nights together, and Jaehyun feels Taeyong fall asleep in his arms, and when Taeyong’s grip slacks and his hands are freed, Jaehyun’s hands instinctively move to Taeyong’s waist, and if he notices the slight curve of Taeyong’s stomach that has never been there before, he doesn’t say anything about it.

 

\---

 

Yuta sits next to Winwin in a café booth, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Winwin in an environment so innocent, so innocuous, before. He almost looks kind of cute sipping at his straw and nibbling on the pastry that Yuta had bought for his troubles.

Yuta taps his fingers against the table as he waits for Kun to arrive. He knows it’s a long-shot, but Winwin knows people. He knows that he does. So maybe, even if Winwin doesn’t know Kun’s brother, he’ll be able to ask around and find someone who does. Hopefully.

Yuta gets a text from Kun that he’s here, and he walks over to stand in line with Kun as he gets his own coffee. Kun smiles at him, and there’s so much hopefulness and apprehension mixed on his face and Yuta knows he’s probably reflecting it right back at him.

They walk over to the booth, Kun holding his small cup of coffee. They turn the corner, and Winwin’s looking out the window. “Hey, Winwin, he’s here,” Yuta says, and Winwin turns his head, and Kun and Winwin both freeze.

Yuta looks between them. Winwin blinks. “Kun?”

Kun looks likes he’s going to choke on air, and his voice doesn’t do anything to help. “Sicheng.”

Winwin practically jumps out of the booth, hugging Kun tightly and burying his face in his neck. Kun drops his coffee.

 

\---

 

There’s a knock on the front door of his apartment, and Doyoung sets down his textbook on the couch and walks over to open it. On the other side is an omega, maybe a little shorter than himself but about the same age. Doyoung doesn’t think he’s ever seen him before, and he doesn’t really look like he would be a student here, since most of them are so obsessed with fancy clothes that this omega is clearly lacking.

“Um,” Doyoung raises an eyebrow. “Who are you?”

The omega sighs, glancing down the hallway and taking a step forward into Doyoung’s apartment, forcing Doyoung to take a step back. He shuts the door behind himself.

“I’m the guy Jaehyun’s been cheating on you with,” he says. “And I need you to kill me.”


	3. Rebirth

“Where the fuck is my son, Yunho?”

Jaehyun walks down the stairs at the sound of shouting. In the front corridor of his house, his father is standing with an omega male that seems nearly as tall as he is. The omega is clearly around his father’s age, but he looks so much like--

“Jaejoong, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yunho says, trying to calm the other down. “I didn’t even know you had a son.”

Jaehyun stops at the foot of the stairs, a few feet away from the pair.

“Our son has been missing for weeks, now, Yunho! Weeks!” Jaejoong’s eyes are red, and every muscle in his body is tensed.

“Our son?”

One of the corners of Jaejoong’s lips twitches. “Yes, our son. Maybe if you had actually checked in on me once in the past two decades you would have known we had one.”

Yunho sighs. “If you knew that I didn’t know about him, then why did you think I’d have any clue where he is?”

Jaejoong looks away from Yunho. His eyes slide over to Jaehyun, and Jaehyun gulps. This won’t be good. “Because your perfect little alpha heir over there impregnated our son.”

Wait. Is he talking about--that can’t be right. He’s never had unprotected sex with anyone but Taeyong, and Taeyong isn’t his--but Jaejoong looks so much like Taeyong. Who else would Jaejoong’s son be?

“Isn’t that right, Jaehyun?” Jaejoong walks over to stand in front of him, looking him straight in the eye. “You enjoyed fucking Taeyong, didn’t you? Your own brother?” Jaehyun wants to answer, wants to say that he didn’t know. Wants to say that he never meant to hurt him. Wants to say how much he loves him. “So when you found out your brother was pregnant with your child, you had to get rid of him, didn’t you? Is my son even still alive, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun shakes his head in horror. “I didn’t--I wouldn’t--I haven’t seen Taeyong in weeks either, and the last time I saw him he was fine. I didn’t even know he was pregnant.”

Yunho grabs Jaejoong’s arm, twisting it to force Jaejoong to look at him. “That’s enough, Jaejoong. Leave my son alone.”

Jaejoong pulls his arm from Yunho’s grip. “Fine. But if your kid really doesn’t know where my son is, then I’m guessing he probably wants to find him just as much as I do.”

Yunho turns to look at Jaehyun, and Jaehyun can see the disappointment in his eyes. “Do you?”

Jaehyun looks down and nods. “I want to see him. I want to make sure he’s okay.”

Yunho takes a deep breath. “We’ll do our best to find him, Jaejoong.”

 

\---

 

Kun holds Sicheng’s hand tightly in his own as they sit on the couch in the backroom of some public library. This isn’t the most ideal place to meet, but it was as private and neutral of a place as they could find for all four of them to discuss things. It was long overdue, at this point.

“You want to get out of your situation, right, Sicheng? You want to go home.” Kun says it like he’s sure, but there’s some part of him that fears that Sicheng still wants to stay. His brother has suffered enough, even if much of it was, ultimately, self-inflicted. Kun’s accepted that much. Sicheng doesn’t deserve to suffer through anymore.

“I do,” Sicheng says. He glances at Taeil guiltily. “But I know that I’ll just be an embarrassment to our family if I do.”

Yuta shakes his head. “Kun and I are the only people of our status that know what you’ve been through. No one else has to know. We’ll just say that you ran away and lived with a friend for a few months.”

“And then when I get married and they find out I’m not a virgin, the shit will hit the fan and you two will get in trouble for lying for me as well,” Sicheng argues. He bites his lip. “Maybe it’s better if I just stay.”

“No,” Yuta says. He crosses the room to kneel in front of Sicheng. “Listen to me. I’ll offer to marry you. And if anyone in either of our families questions why you’re not a virgin, I’ll take the blame for it and say that I got a bit too excited with you.”

“You think that would work?” Kun asks. He hopes to god it will.

Yuta nods. “It’s our best bet.” He brushes a strand of hair out of Sicheng’s eyes. “Are you happy with that?”

Sicheng swallows. His gaze returns to Taeil, who’s still sitting across from them. He doesn’t look quite happy, but when he catches Sicheng’s eye, he says, “Go. Be happy. I’ll be alright.”

“Okay,” Sicheng says, biting his lip. “I’ll do it.”

Kun breathes a sigh of relief.

 

\---

 

Yunho runs his fingers over the photograph. “He looks just like you.”

Jaejoong nods, leaning up against the wall next to the window. There’s something about being in Yunho’s home, the place that the love of his life had built for a family that was not Jaejoong’s, that makes him feel so out of place. And Boa was understanding, when she found out what was going on. More understanding than any of them deserve, really, but Jaejoong’s thankful in any case. It doesn’t make the feeling of insecurity dissipate.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho says, setting the photograph down on the table. “I know that I should have been there for you. And him.” He takes a deep breath. “We wouldn’t be in this situation if I had, would we?”

Jaejoong doesn’t deny it. He takes a deep breath, walks across the room and sits down next to Yunho. “He’s strong,” Jaejoong says, picking up the photograph. “But he’s also so shy sometimes, and I know that sounds like a contradiction, but that’s just how Taeyong is.”

Yunho watches Jaejoong runs his fingers over the photograph, one of the only remaining images of his son. His eyes are red, lined with circles that look like twenty years of good sleep wouldn’t make them disappear. And this isn’t the Jaejoong that Yunho fell in love with, the young, foolish Jaejoong who kissed him on a dare, who partied like his life depended on it and would vanish for weeks at a time. This Jaejoong is stronger, wiser, an adult in every sense of the word. Yunho feels sorry for all the times that he lay awake and wondered what had happened to his Jaejoong and still imagined him as the foolish child.

“As much as it pains me to admit it, knowing what I know now,” Jaejoong says, “I have to admit that he loves your son. He loves him so much.” Loves him foolishly, he does not say, but Yunho can tell the words are lingering on his tongue.

Yunho sighs. “Children always repeat their parents’ mistakes.”

“I think that’s the most true thing you’ve ever said to me, Yunho.”

 

\---

 

Ten places the plush rabbit in the crib. It will have to find another spot once the baby is born, at least for a few months, but it looks good there for now. As Ten looks around this room, painted white with accents of pastel colors, filled with little plushies and baby supplies, he smiles. Their baby will have a good life.

He walks into the living room, and Johnny is putting picture frames on the bookshelf. Some are pictures from Johnny’s childhood, with his parents and Mark and childhood friends like Jaehyun. But there are other pictures, mostly taken over the past few months, of Johnny and Ten together. Having a terrible picnic in the park, or at a café together, or after the dinner where Johnny had introduced Ten to his parents. And in all of the photos, Johnny has that dumb lovestruck smile on his face.

Ten walks forward to look into the box where Johnny is pulling the pictures frame. Ten picks an empty frame from the box. “What’s this one for?”

Johnny puts down another frame and looks over at the frame. He wraps an arm around Ten’s waist. “I figured we would put our first picture as a family in that one.”

Ten smiles. He sets the frame back in the box, and as Johnny kisses him gently, Ten rubs a hand over his baby bump. Just a few more months.

 

\---

 

Jaehyun takes a sip of his banana smoothie. Doyoung has one of those smoothies that only health-nerds would get, probably filled with carrots and lettuce, and Jaehyun considers making a bunny joke but figures that it would probably get him smacked into the next solar system.

“So,” Jaehyun says, “my parents have been on a search for my missing half-brother. I told you about that, right?”

Doyoung nods. He looks out the window.

“There hasn’t been any progress and it just doesn’t make sense to me. Like he has to be out there somewhere, right?”

Doyoung nods absentmindedly, and Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Doyoung says. He takes another quick sip of his smoothie before returning his gaze to the street. “I’m sure Taeyong’s fine.”

Jaehyun blinks. That wasn’t right. “How do you know his name?”

Doyoung turns back to him, and Jaehyun thinks he sees a hint of panic in those eyes. “I must have heard Johnny or someone that you told about the search say it. It probably just lodged in my memory without me realizing.”

He’s talking too much. “Doyoung, are you sure about that?”

“Absolutely sure,” Doyoung says. He starts searching for his bag on his side of the table. “Listen, I’m glad we got to talk today, but I think I need to go help Jungwoo with something.”

He makes his way out of the booth, out of the café, before Jaehyun can stop him. Half of his smoothie remains in the glass. Doyoung knows something.

 

\---

 

“You’re so annoying, Hyuck,” Mark teases, leaning back in a chair in Donghyuck’s shitty apartment. “I don’t know why I keep coming back here.”

“Don’t lie,” Donghyuck says, grinning at him. “You love me.”

Mark looks at him, slowly. Lingering on him. “Maybe I do.”

Donghyuck blinks, because that’s not a very Mark think to say. Mark would deny it, Mark would blush and pretend and change the subject. “What?”

Mark smiles, and he stands up and walks to him, and he kisses him, and Donghyuck’s frozen. Mark pulls back, and Donghyuck just blinks at him. “I said I love you, idiot.”

Donghyuck takes a deep breath and smiles. “About damn time, too.”

He kisses him again.

 

\---

 

“I don’t know what I did wrong!” Jungwoo’s crying into the fabric of his oversized sweater paws. “Like one second, it seemed like we were fine, and the next he was pushing me away and telling me not to try to contact him again.”

Doyoung pulls his brother’s head onto his shoulder. “Did he give you any kind of hint as to the reason? Maybe it’s something to do with him and not with you.”

Jungwoo shakes his head. “I loved him. So much. And he didn’t say a damn thing about why he was ending it. Maybe he was just playing with me all along.”

Doyoung runs his hand over Jungwoo’s arm. “Sometimes people leave us, Jungwoo, not because they don’t love us, but because they love us too much. And they know that we’ll be happier without them.”

“I’m not happier without him,” Jungwoo says, pulling on frayed strings on the hem of his sleeve. “I don’t think I could ever be happier without him.”

“Not yet.” Doyoung looks out the window of the little room in their parents’ attic that Doyoung and Jungwoo had claimed as their “secret” hideaway years ago. “But one day, you’ll be able to move on. And that will be the happiest day.”

 

\---

 

“Hey, it’ll be alright,” Jaemin says, his head on Taeil’s shoulder. “He’s happy, now, isn’t he?”

Taeil nods, but there’s still a heaviness in his chest that he can’t make disappear. “Is it selfish that I wished he was still here with me?”

“No,” Jeno says, from Taeil’s other shoulder. “You love him.”

“So insightful,” Renjun comments. He’s laying across all of their laps on the couch, and if it had been anyone else, they would have complained.

“I,” Taeil takes a deep breath. “I just feel like everyone’s leaving me behind.” Ten left to be with Johnny, Taeyong disappeared, Yukhei and Donghyuck never stayed around much in the first place. Sicheng left him. And Taeil told him to do it. “And I know that’s stupid, because they were never mine in the first place.”

“It’s alright to feel like that,” Jeno says. “I know I’d feel the same if these two left me. I’d probably be the saddest person on earth.”

Jaemin takes one of Jeno’s hands. “You don’t have to feel alone, Taeil.”

“After all,” Renjun says, “you still have us.”

Taeil smiles at that. Maybe he can get by with that. Because his meaning, for the past few years, has been in taking care of people. All of these people, with lives of their own that he had tried so hard not to interfere in but had hopelessly failed countless times. And maybe taking care of these three and all of their small problems and arguments is all he needs.

“Will you stay here? You can have whichever room you like.”

“Of course,” Jaemin says. “We’re not going to leave you now.”

 

\---

 

“What do you know that you’re not telling me?”

Doyoung taps his fingers against his knees. Jaehyun is pacing across Doyoung’s bedroom at his parents’ home, his footsteps muffled by the carpeted floor. Doyoung doesn’t look at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun stills, immediately turning. “Yes, you do. Whenever I mention my brother, you always act too nervous to know nothing. And knowing his name? I don’t believe you would have just picked that up and remembered it so well.” He walks over, standing in front of Doyoung and looking down at him. “I know you, Doyoung. I know what you look like when you’re lying.”

Doyoung meets his eyes, takes a deep breath, and hesitates. Taeyong wouldn’t want him to tell Jaehyun what he knows, but Jaehyun already knows more than Taeyong wanted. Jaehyun at least deserves some peace.

“He showed up at my apartment a few weeks ago.”

Jaehyun leans in closer. “And?”

“He asked me to kill him.”

Jaehyun blinks. He takes a deep breath, running his hands over his face and turning away. He walks to the window, peeking out of the blinds over the busy street below. He doesn’t speak, and Doyoung can feel his heart beating painfully in his chest. Maybe Jaehyun will leave it there, won’t ask him. But that wouldn’t make sense. Of course he’ll ask him. Because Jaehyun likes to know things for sure.

After what seems like a quarter of an hour, Jaehyun turns back to him. “Did you do it?”

Doyoung feels his heart rate and breathing increase as he looks in Jaehyun’s eyes and sees the pain in them. Jaehyun deserves the truth, even if it will hurt him.

“Yes.”

 

\---

 

“The lamp will last about 9 hours,” Taeyong said, setting the oil lamp down on the ground a few feet away from the couch. “So it’ll go out at about sunrise.”

Doyoung nodded, sitting gingerly on the couch, which looked like it probably had at least a few families of insects living in it. “How did you find this place?”

Taeyong looked around the dark room, lit only by the warm glow of the lamp. The walls were crumbling, slowly, and all of the windows had been boarded up what must be years before. “I don’t remember. It’s just always been here.”

“I see,” Doyoung said, and Taeyong sat down on the couch beside him. “I need to ask you a question.”

Taeyong nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

Doyoung looked at Taeyong, and god, Taeyong was beautiful. He could see why Jaehyun would fall for him. “Why do you want this? And why me?”

Taeyong looked down at his lap and rung his hands. “I’ve been seeing Jaehyun for a while now, and the whole time I knew he had you, but somehow it didn’t really sink in.” Doyoung nodded, looking away toward the lamp. “And then I got pregnant.”

“Why would that make you want to do this? There are other options, Taeyong.”

Taeyong shook his head. “I’m not finished yet.” He paused and glanced at Doyoung. “I found out a few weeks ago that Jaehyun and I have the same biological father.”

Doyoung tried his best not to look shocked, but he knew it must have been all over his face from the way that Taeyong turned away. Doyoung took a deep breath to collect himself before placing a hand on Taeyong’s knee. “There are still other options.”

“Like what?” He looked Doyoung in the eye. “I love my baby. And I know that this baby won’t be healthy, that if they live to birth they’ll probably be burdened with problems their whole life. But at the same time, I can’t live with myself without my baby. Because when I realized I was pregnant I got so fucking attached to the idea and now I feel like I’m caught in a situation where no matter what I do I’ll never be happy.”

“So your answer is to end it all?” Doyoung said gently, because Taeyong was in a fragile enough mental state already. He figured that he didn’t need anything more to upset him. And maybe it’s odd, that he was here on a couch in an abandoned apartment trying to talk the person he should hate most down from suicide. But Taeyong seemed so vulnerable, and maybe that’s why the only thing Doyoung saw in his eyes was loss.

Taeyond nodded. “I’m not just doing this for myself, though.”

“Aren’t you?”

He shook his head. “I want Jaehyun to be happy. And that means that he can never know that we’re related. It means that I need to disappear, and he needs to get over me and marry you and be happy with you like he’s supposed to be.”

Doyoung sighed, and a bitter smile twinged the corners of his lips. “We both know that I could never make Jaehyun happy. If I could, he wouldn’t have fallen for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong said, and Doyoung pulled him into a hug. Taeyong sobbed into his shoulder while Doyoung rubbed his hand over his back, and Doyoung could feel his own eyes becoming wet.

“You still have one thing you haven’t explained to me,” Doyoung said when Taeyong had mostly stilled against him. “Why me?”

Taeyong laughed. “Because no one else I know would be willing to kill me, and I’m too much of a fucking coward to do it myself. You seemed like the person who’d be most willing to do it.”

Doyoung shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you. I know that’s not what you’re expecting, but I know that Jaehyun never really loved me, and I don’t hold anything against you for loving him. I know how easy it is to love him.”

“The thing you could do most to hurt me is to let me live.” Taeyong pulled back from the hug. “I know that I’m a mistake. I do. And the only thing I can do to rectify that mistake is die.”

Doyoung looked over Taeyong’s shaking shoulders, his sweaty palms and tired eyes. He pressed fingers to Taeyong’s cheek, and as Taeyong subconsciously leaned into the touch, Doyoung felt his heart tearing itself apart in his chest. “Fine.”

Taeyong raised an eyebrow, and Doyoung continued, “I’ll do it. But not yet.”

“Before the night is over,” Taeyong said. “And once I’m gone, if I can ask for one last favor, I want you to stay with me until the lamp dies in the morning. Please.”

Doyoung nodded slowly. “Alright. But until then, I want to do something.”

“Like what?” Taeyong asked, and Doyoung smiled.

“I want to pretend that we met somewhere else, sometime else. That we’re just two friends and we can tell each other all our secrets,” Doyoung said, and Taeyong must have caught onto where he was going.

“Are you trying to get my secrets from me?”

Doyoung laughed. “Someone might as well. And besides, I’ll give you mine too.”

“That’s an unfair trade,” Taeyong said. “I’ll only have your secrets for a few hours, and you’ll have mine for a lifetime.”

Doyoung smiled again, but it was sadder now, not coming to his eyes. “Someone deserves to know your secrets, Taeyong. So that they can remember you the way you deserve to be remembered.”

Taeyong bit his lip. “Alright, Doyoung.”

They sat on the couch and Doyoung told Taeyong about all of the times that he had played pranks on Jungwoo that the younger never knew was him, about his first day of college and how much he had hated it at the time, about how he hated everything about being an omega until the day he met Jaehyun and realized it meant he could marry him someday. Taeyong smiled at him, and when Taeyong told him stories about his mom, and the bizarre people that he had called his friends for years now, and how nervous he had felt the first time that he had sex with Jaehyun, Doyoung knew that there was never anyway on earth that he could have hated Taeyong.

“The lamp’s half out of oil already,” Taeyong said after a few hours, casting his glance away from Doyoung. “You should probably get on with it now so you don’t chicken out.”

Doyoung reached his fingers out to touch Taeyong’s cheeks. “Before I do,” he looked down at Taeyong’s lips, “I hope you know that you aren’t unloved.” His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest, telling him not to do it, but Doyoung still leaned forward and pressed his lips to Taeyong’s all the same.

Taeyong pressed back against him, his hands coming up to Doyoung’s shoulders, and maybe in another universe this would have been the right way for things to turn out, because Taeyong just felt so right against him. Everything about him was just so genuine, so vulnerable, so loving and so desperate and Doyoung knew that he was going to have to end that.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever kissed,” Doyoung said when they separated, and Taeyong raised an eyebrow.

“Not even Jaehyun?”

Doyoung shook his head. He looked away, took a deep breath, and scooted away from Taeyong to sit with his back against one of the arms of the couch. “Sit here, in front of me,” he said, and Taeyong slid against him, leaning his head back onto Doyoung’s shoulder.

“While you do it,” Taeyong blinked, “can you sing to me? Jaehyun always said you have a beautiful voice.”

“I--” Doyoung took a deep breath, and his heart was beating out of chest and strangling his words. “I can try.”

He started singing a song that he and Jungwoo would sing together as kids. It wasn’t a lullaby or a children’s song or anything like that, but it always made him relax and feel like he was home again. Safe again.

As Taeyong relaxed in his arms, he brought one of his hands up to cover Taeyong’s mouth and nose, and he kept on singing, even as tears streamed down his face and he felt Taeyong convulse in his arms before going still. Doyoung kept on singing, kept his hand on Taeyong’s face even though Taeyong was long gone.

Doyoung was still singing--onto maybe the thirtieth song he’d gone through, probably more--when cracks of dawn peeked through the boarded-up windows and the lamp finally ran out of oil. And when he pushed the cold body on top of himself away for a few seconds, just long enough to stand up off of the couch and lay the body back down, he was still singing. He shut the red-shot eyes and tried to make the body look like it was merely sleeping.

“I’m so sorry,” Doyoung whispered, after his final song, in the moments before he left the abandoned apartment and tried to forget where it was.

 

\---

 

“Why are its nostrils so weird?”

“Donghyuck, don’t say rude things about the baby!”

Ten chuckles as Jungwoo cradles his baby. Mark and Donghyuck are looking at its little--kind of smushed, honestly--face, and Mark’s mumbling something about being an uncle. He looks kind of amazed, and Ten knows the feeling completely.

Johnny walks over to them, and Jungwoo hands the baby back to him. Johnny holds the baby so carefully, like he’s afraid of hurting the newborn. And that’s probably a good thing, because newborns are so fragile, and now Ten just really wants to hold his baby and make sure he’s safe.

“Johnny,” Ten says, and Johnny walks back over to sit next to him on the side of the hospital bed. He passes Ten the baby, and Ten holds the baby against his chest. His son. His little omega son.

Johnny presses a kiss to the top of Ten’s head. “He’s so beautiful, isn’t he?”

Ten giggles. “Donghyuck does have a point though.”

Johnny shakes his head. “Our son is perfectly normal, Ten.”

“I’m not saying he won’t be eventually,” Ten says. “But right now he just kind of has the smushed newborn look.”

Johnny doesn’t argue with that, and soon their visitors leave them, giving way to another round of visitors.

The kids run into the room and crowd around the bed to see the baby. Taeil trails in behind them, walking at a perfectly normal pace. The kids are like they always have been--enthusiastic, sarcastic, optimistic. Ten’s just glad to see that they’re getting along well, no cuts or bruises from robbing random stores. If the way Taeil is watching over them from a few feet away from the bed is any indication, he probably has something to do with that.

“Johnny, can you take these three outside for a few minutes? I want to talk to Taeil alone for a minute,” Ten says, and he tries to whisper it.

“We don’t need Johnny to babysit us,” Jaemin says. “We’re almost adults anyway.”

“He’s not babysitting,” Ten says, at the same time that Johnny begins ushering them out of the room anyway. When they are alone, Taeil comes to stand near the end of the bed.

“It’s nice seeing you so happy,” Taeil says, playing with the blankets on the bed with one hand. “You really are one of the lucky ones.”

“I suppose I am,” Ten says, and those words feel like they weigh heavier in his chest, but maybe it’s just because the baby has finally gone to sleep. “And you--you’re alright, too?”

Taeil nods. “Those three are keeping me busy.” The door cracks open, and Taeil and Ten both look over to see Sicheng standing in the door with his husband. “I’ll go now. I’ll send Johnny back in.”

Ten nods, and he tries not to notice how awkward it is when Taeil and Sicheng pass by each other. Sicheng looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t, just walks to Ten’s bedside and peers at the sleeping infant like all of their other visitors had. Yuta stands next to him, not saying anything, but just listening as Sicheng, Johnny, and Ten talk. About anything, everything. Anything that’s not Taeil.

Yuta holds Sicheng’s hand as they leave, and when he smiles at him, Sicheng smiles back. “They look happy,” Johnny comments, and Ten only nods, because Johnny had never known how much Taeil loved Sicheng too.

Half an hour after they leave, there’s another knock on their door, and Jaehyun walks in, Doyoung half a step behind him. As they approach the side of the bed, the baby begins to stir. “You came just in time to hold him,” Ten says. Jaehyun smiles lightly, and Ten passes him the baby.

Jaehyun cradles him tightly, and Doyoung wraps an arm around his back, leaning in to look at the baby. Identical necklaces hang from their necks, simple chains with a pendant engraved with “TY” hanging on them. They both have watery eyes, and when Jaehyun hands the baby back to Ten, he pulls Doyoung into a tight hug.

“Are you alright?” Ten asks, even though they obviously aren’t.

Jaehyun bites his lip, running a hand over Doyoung’s spine. “Taeyong was pregnant.”

Ten nods, deciding not to question the past tense, or why Doyoung knows about Taeyong. Those are questions for another day. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s okay,” Jaehyun says. “We’ll be alright. Someday.”


End file.
